Sunday, October 19, 2008 . 10/19/2008 08:59:00 PM
These few days i have been thinking back of myself alot or should i say, i am self reflecting about my past & present, the things i did, people i encountered etc. First lets talk about career.
Over the years I am glad to say that i have GROWN up! Spending Years with the organisation has moulded me into a more matured thinking adult...they gave me a job...make me financial free...But, yet i am still not satisfied.
Maybe to most of you, you would probably think,
"Dont be greedy lah, It is sufficient already! Learn to be satisfied pls! "
but...right now.....i just dont know...i dont know when will all these last. In the past i have been yearning to be financial free because i really hope that i can chip in part of my pay to help my family tide over "bad debt" period. Now I did, and i am very grateful to the organisation for helping me achieving that but, right now at this very moment, I started questioning myself,
"what if i had decided to leave the place and do something else after i got my degree?"
"what if i didnt succeed outside? "
"What if things dont turn out to be what i had expected? Will i regret on my last decision?"
There are just too many "what if" popping in my head and how i wish i can just grab them all and throw into rubbish bin. Things are still okay for me until someone "high" up there mentioned about new policies going to implement soon, which means, new contract might be on their way soon. Maybe to some it is a good news...(woooo...an unbreakable ricebowl)....well....to me maybe it wasnt good at all. Thinking that i might be doing something repeatedly over and over again for LIFE isnt really what i want coz it will make me feel i am actually wasting my life. I dont want my life to remain there STAGNANT forever! I want it to be a vibrant one yet still able to make me financial free for life! *Praying sincerely to heaven*
Next trouble, "FRIENDS". For the whole day I have been browsing through all the pictures which i had took during my poly days and ns days...well...i really really really miss the good old times i had spent with all my friends. Be it wushu, classmates or friends i know outside, they simply rocks and they complete my life and i seriously miss them all! But there is someone...someone who will be ireeplaceable and that will be "her" i guess.
Well, I got to know "her" through a club years ago and yea..."She" is really a fantastic person with great personality and most importantly, she is supa humourous haha. (*DUN WORRY JUL, I AM DEFINATELY NOT REFERING TO YOU) hahaha. Back then alot of guys were interested in her, including my best buddy. In order not to spoilt our relationship, i actually had refrained myself from getting too close to "her" and had pretended to be the LEAST interested in her among all guys. But I had lots of fun being with her especially...yeah....only when with her only and i dont know why...the feeling just came by very naturally and just when i realised she was the "one", haha...she already had found someone she like and right now she has left for oversea study. If anyone ask me whether do i regret not telling her, i will still say,
"YES! and i regretted not doing so!"
At least by telling her will make me feel better rather then keeping it deep in myself for years.
But looking on the other side, nothing will turn out good if i were to confess back in 2 years time, coz back then i am still a poor chap with immatured thinking and maybe i feel too lowly to be with "her" or maybe worst, i am afraid to lose a special friend like "her".
Now both of us are attached with our own partner but who the hell knows who our lifetime partner would actually be. It is still very hard to say. Maybe the person in front of us might become our life partner and maybe not. Life has so many ups and down and i really have no vision on what lies ahead of me. All i wanted was a happy family, a beautiful wife, taking good care of them and also not forgetting to have career of my own choice which can last me throughout my lifetime. Simple isnt it?
This song, named "TRUE", was once her blog song and hereby i shall dedicate it to all of my potential readers...to "her" and also to my gf.....this song is a very meaningful song....enjoy people :)